Amanda Holden - No Holding Back

'Yes, I've grieved and cried and shouted in private but my mask goes on when I need it to...I will never be beaten by circumstance. I am determined not to be defined by the bad things that happen to me, but rather channel them to mould me into a better person.'  (page 233)

People who know me will know that I detest cliches. With a passion. They make me cringe. In no way can they ever make whatever it is that you're trying to say more powerful. They're cheesy and overused and only serve to demonstrate a person's lack of imagination. People who know me will also know that I worship my bookcase - in the most non-creepy, normal way possible... I get so pissed if a book gets bent, or creased, or marked; I have to keep them all looking as new and perfect as possible - some people clean, some people collect pepper pots, I do this... whatever this is. When reading No Holding Back though I was blubbering my way through Amanda Holden's cliche-ridden chapters in devastated astonishment. The whole thing hit me so deep that, having reached page 233, I dragged out my trusty pink highlighter and furiously illuminated what I believe to be the definition of a strong woman. Everybody has a mask that they put on; there is always a time and a place to cry. My mask in particular has evolved into three in recent years. I have a face for home life, a face for social life, and a face for work life, and I'd say there's only myself and one other who ever see me without any of them. Some people hide behind their mask, using it as a form of denial, but it is in embracing the weaknesses behind the mask and using them to build a better character that I see true strength.

Buy it now on AMAZON

It's true that assumption is the work of the devil, and I'm a devil for it. Whenever I read a celebrity "My Story" book it's for two reasons: 1) To have a nosy into the life of someone well-known, and therefore make me feel better about my own sorry predicament; and 2) To numb my brain after a semester of considerably heavier reading. Primarily I picked up No Holding Back - well actually, I pre-ordered No Holding Back many months in advance, but that's beside the point - because I have an insane crush on its author, but I also knew it would be an easy, trashy read. I had absolutely no idea I would find as much comfort in Holden's words as I did.

I loved Holden because she's ballsy and cheeky and gorgeous, and because she  reminds me of someone that I care a hell of a lot for, but I have to confess that I never believed she had much of a "story" in her, and whilst I knew that whatever she wrote would entertain me, I wasn't expecting much else. Obviously I knew about her affair with Neil Morrissey, and the difficulties she had regarding pregnancy, but there's a difference between reading things in the paper or on Google, and then actually being given a first person account of the emotion and
trauma of the experience. It's truly heartbreaking to read such an honest account, and I still feel dreadful for having such low expectations. 

I have enormous admiration for mothers and motherhood, and I think that losing a child, whatever its age, must be the most devastating experience imaginable. Holden welcomes her readers into these delicate moments in such an intimate and trusting way, you can feel the plain honesty behind her words.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/No-Holding-Back-Amanda-Holden/dp/1471125742/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1407336286&sr=1-1&keywords=no+holding+back

I said I'd loved her because she's cheeky and ballsy, now I admire for never letting that mask slip...

Rox
xx